MY BOYFRIEND HAS ANGER ISSUES

Dear Sir,

I am 17 and I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now. He is 21. We have a good relationship, but obviously being young we have our ups and downs. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and most of the time I enjoy being with him, but he has a very bad anger issues. I usually know how to deal with him, but recently our relationship become badly, and I am trying very hard to keep everything perfect between us and making sure I don’t make one bad move to upset him. The other day he got really mad and hit me. It was not a hard hit, but he did a few times when I shouted at him and pushed him when he did it the first time. I was left with a small lump on my head and I completely freak out. I knew he had a bad day at work and was very tired, but still don’t see that as any excuse. Right now we’re ok, but I feel like I should have ended the relationship after he hit me. The reason I did not is because I know he has anger issues and I know that the way he behaved that day was really not him, it felt like a different person. The thing is, I don’t know how to handle this situation. I don’t know if he will do it again. It felt he enjoyed me being scared and him in control. Still, I don’t want to leave him. I want our relationship to work. What can I do? Can we go and get counseling or something?

Worried

Dear Worried,

To answer the question you have not asked, yes, I believe you should have ended the relationship after he hit you because it will happen again. You cannot tiptoe around him afraid to as you put it “make one bad move”. That is not okay and that is no way to live. He has serious anger issues and he is an abuser as well. Of course he enjoyed being in control and you being afraid of him, that is how abusers operate; it’s all about control. I would still urge that you end the relationship now. Even though you want to think that things are okay, you know they are not; if they were, you would not have not write about it. Maybe counseling will help him, but he has to first recognize that he has a problem and then want to fix it. You need to speak to him about this. If he agrees, go ahead and get the counseling.