WHY DOESN'T HE APPRECIATE ME?

PROBLEM

Dear sir,

I enjoyed reading your column and I would appreciate if you could help me. How do you get a person to appreciate you? I always go out of my way for my boyfriend, but he never seems to do the same for me. For example, he was going abroad for a few weeks and instead of choosing to be with me the night before he left, he went to a club and didn’t call me until 3 o’ clock in the morning. I am at my breaking point. Can you help me?

Frustrated

ANSWER

Dear frustrated,

Have you tell your boyfriend how you feel? Let him know what’s on your mind, and how his actions and behavior affect you. Do this at a “neutral” point in time-you might want to tell him that you’d like to talk to him and set aside a time and place for your discussion. Choose a time when you know both of you will be relax, have enough time to have a meaningful conversation, and not be interrupted. Before your talk, think about what you want to tell him- it maybe helpful for you o write down your thoughts and feelings. Don’t be accusatory since this might only put him on the defensive, causing him not to be as open to what you are saying. The next step is his. Listen carefully to what he says and how he responds. Often, people give what they need. With this in mind, another approach might be to give a little less to this relationship for a while and see what happens. If you still feel unappreciated, then perhaps you need to move on. You can’t make another person do anything in any way that you see fit. You can only let her/him in your thoughts and feels, and then see what s/he does with that insight.